Toronto FC and Columbus Crew have officially released their kits for the 2017 MLS Season, meaning we have seen all there is to see for kits. So why not see what teams won the game of kit designs and who utterly failed.
The following opinions are exactly that: opinions. We don’t know anything about designing kits. We’re just saying what ones we like and making fun of the ones we don’t.
League newcomers Atlanta United have released some decent kits for their first season. Classic looks win classy touches. Not a fan of insurance company sponsors, but the kit itself is a looker.
Chicago have only released a new secondary kit, and its nothing special. Actually, we kind of hate it. While we’re excited by the Chicago Fire and their acquisition of Dax, we aren’t looking forward to the ginger wizard wearing this jersey.
Consensus: Transfer Winners, Kit Losers
The Rapids also only released a secondary kid, and its fucking hideous. That’s all we have to say. It’s gross.
Consensus: Losers. Big Time.
We thought the Colorado Rapids kits were bad, but Columbus is giving them a run for their money. Sorry, Speed Racer, but these are bad.
D.C. United’s new secondary kits are out there, but we love them. We love the uniqueness and creativity, but they didn’t make it ugly like some other teams we know, cough cough Colorado.
We miss F.C. Dallas’ blue and white hoops for their secondary kit, but these are okay. If you ignore the mattress commercial background, the kit itself is actually pretty nice. However, I can’t get past the stupid stars.
Consensus: Close, but no cigar. Losers.
The Dynamo didn’t go for a flashy kit and it paid off. The kit is classy, sleek, and nice to look at. We like the small details on the kit too that make it personal to the club. No problem here, Houston.
We aren’t the biggest fans of the Polaroid campaign that the club used to promote the new kits, but we are big fans of the kit. Nice and simple and we love the contrasting blues.
Minnesota United FC
Once again the newbies KILLED it. These are by far our favorite 2017 kits and we can’t thank Minnesota enough. They’re just absolutely gorgeous.
Consensus: THE Winners.
Nothing special, but they definitely aren’t bad. We like the look of the double white stripes though.
Consensus: Winners, I guess.
New England Revolution
Growing up in Mass, I want the Revs to do well. But, yet again, they’re letting me down. They aren’t the worst jerseys by any means, but they are certainly not good either. I also can’t stand that their being called a “bold interpretation of the flag.” Red and white stripes, radical.
Overall, these jerseys are just okay. Nothing special, just blue. But the jock flag is a nice touch, and we’re all about clubs being connected to their community. Nice job, NYC.
New York Red Bulls
While one New York team were winners, this one definitely isn’t. These lines are pointless and hideous. The kit would be 100% better without them, so one can only wonder why.
Orlando City SC
Similar to L.A. Galaxy, so its no surprise we like them. We aren’t the biggest fan of the button collar jerseys, but we like the look here.
How can you not like these? A nice looking kit for a team that, if Chris Pontius is able to refind last season’s form, could make quite a run this year.
Being Timbers fans, we’re a little biased. With that said, we’re in love. Like with NYCFC, the Timbers have Portland’s flag on their jersey. “There’s a party in Portland — No one’s sleeping tonight.”
Consensus: Kit Winners and Cup Winners
Real Salt Lake
We think RSL played it a little safe here and expected to see a little more from the club. These are pretty lame.
San Jose Earthquakes
Like usual with the Earthquakes, we appreciate the effort, but no. We love Wondo, but even he’s not going to pull this one off.
Even though we’re biased towards hating the Sounders, the reigning champs always have some of the best jerseys in the league. These are classy, sleek, and modern. Vibrant without being overwhelming.
Consensus: Winners, again.
Sporting Kansas City
Come on, KC. With a team as strong as yours, we expected better jerseys. Graham Zusi never looks happy while playing, but nobody is going to look happy wearing this one.
With the MLS Cup Runner Up poised to likely make their way back to the final, they definitely made sure to look the part. These kits are sweet and will make a trip to BMO even more intimidating.
It’s good to know that when the Whitecaps undoubtedly get thrashed in the Cascadia Cup, they’ll look stupid doing it. Come to Portland Manneh.